I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
