Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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