after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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