nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I supernannyed him into submission
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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