i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
