She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
