She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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