I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
