Have you finally orgasmed yet?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
