went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
