when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We have started to decorate penises.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
