I got chris browned last night
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
