it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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