she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
