1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
