I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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