Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
