dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
