i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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