Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
