words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
