he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
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Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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