Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
