yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
