the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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