if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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