So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
