dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
