great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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