I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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