I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
