Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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