wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
