I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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