apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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