you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
