Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize