her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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