then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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