The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
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The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
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I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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