No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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