brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Randomize
