Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so let's talk penis.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
