you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
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I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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