And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
