I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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