Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
