My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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