I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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