it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
