Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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