There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
