I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
