so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
