I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Text me some of your sweat
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