just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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