Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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