don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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